Hell Is Other People (Heaven, too)
Here's my question of the day: As a person of faith and compassion, how should I deal with the people who bore, disappoint, an ger, and frustrate me?
I think there is a valid role for aversion here. It's generally a good idea to avoid people who have bad behaviors, or even just behaviors that push you to your edge, and it's a good idea to spend time with people you enjoy and admire. But there are some situations where you have to deal with people who you don't like.
I wish I could say that I always look for the best in people. I wish I could say that I am good at finding commonalities - after all that *is* my faith, that what is common to humans is greater than what distinguishes us. But in practice, I'm a pretty good elitist. But I think there is spirit in this too. The deepest spiritual connections form between people who see each other as peers, who feel a mutual resonance in each other's perspectives. This type of companionship can provide depth, and this type of relationship has long been a great bulwark of spiritual understanding and growth. A true friend is a spiritual companion.
But back to the other side. How do I deal with situations where I am stuck with people who disappoint me, who bore me, or even disturb me? I guess there is a point at which confrontation is warranted - where I should tell someone of my disapproval of them. But there is probably a larger role for patience and forbearance.
Thinking back on my experience, one key lesson seems to be that my patience or forbearance is unlikely to cause a change of behavior in the subject of my aggrivation. If forbearance is the answer, it has to be sufficient unto itself. But I do think that learning to stretch my comfort zone, learning to deal with the frustrations of life, is itself a useful discipline.
I think there is a valid role for aversion here. It's generally a good idea to avoid people who have bad behaviors, or even just behaviors that push you to your edge, and it's a good idea to spend time with people you enjoy and admire. But there are some situations where you have to deal with people who you don't like.
I wish I could say that I always look for the best in people. I wish I could say that I am good at finding commonalities - after all that *is* my faith, that what is common to humans is greater than what distinguishes us. But in practice, I'm a pretty good elitist. But I think there is spirit in this too. The deepest spiritual connections form between people who see each other as peers, who feel a mutual resonance in each other's perspectives. This type of companionship can provide depth, and this type of relationship has long been a great bulwark of spiritual understanding and growth. A true friend is a spiritual companion.
But back to the other side. How do I deal with situations where I am stuck with people who disappoint me, who bore me, or even disturb me? I guess there is a point at which confrontation is warranted - where I should tell someone of my disapproval of them. But there is probably a larger role for patience and forbearance.
Thinking back on my experience, one key lesson seems to be that my patience or forbearance is unlikely to cause a change of behavior in the subject of my aggrivation. If forbearance is the answer, it has to be sufficient unto itself. But I do think that learning to stretch my comfort zone, learning to deal with the frustrations of life, is itself a useful discipline.
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