The Need to Say No
In adolescence in particular there is a strong need to call out those things that are fake, those niceties required by society but performed without any sincerity. This impulse, the impulse to say no to the half-truths of the world, is, I think, a deep spiritual impulse, one that never entirely goes away as one gets older. Perhaps as we grow older we learn the instrumental value of little white lies, of picking our battles. But in some sense we want the freedom to yell out "No!", to set aside the expectations of others and the roles we have assumed and shout out the contrary, more direct and more honest truth we harbor within. I think we all have a hunger for unrefined truths, especially when they have been long suppressed.
The truths of the soul are quiet and difficult to obtain. This early form of resistance is the potential beginning of something much more significant, the capacity for deep listening to the callings of one's true self.
When we are adults, teachers, role models, it is natural for us to feel frustrated with what can feel like an immature adolescent impulse. We know that to get on in the world certain compromises have to be made. We have swallowed some hard lessons and arrived at hard won and perhaps even valuable outlooks, and it hurts to have these dismissed by young folks who haven't experienced much in the ways of the world. But the impulse to say no, to resist the hand me downs of older generations, even if these are handed down with sincerest love and benevolence, is in fact a valuable one. Saying no is the first step towards integrity, the first step towards a greater wholeness.
Now on the other hand stopping at saying no, only getting to the point of pointing out other's hypocrisys, remaining in a position of ironic detachment indefinitely, is an immature position if that is as far as one gets. If we only learn to say no and poke holes in other's ideas without having the courage to develop our own, we won't have matured spiritually very much.
But as a starting point, as a fresh turn of the page towards new truths, the impulse and the need to say no is very much valuable, a necessary first step. We should not expect the next generation to swallow our lessons whole. In some sense the greatest truths must be learned first hand, and so we must accept the spiritual imperative to say no to pretty lessons we try to hand down in neat packages.
The truths of the soul are quiet and difficult to obtain. This early form of resistance is the potential beginning of something much more significant, the capacity for deep listening to the callings of one's true self.
When we are adults, teachers, role models, it is natural for us to feel frustrated with what can feel like an immature adolescent impulse. We know that to get on in the world certain compromises have to be made. We have swallowed some hard lessons and arrived at hard won and perhaps even valuable outlooks, and it hurts to have these dismissed by young folks who haven't experienced much in the ways of the world. But the impulse to say no, to resist the hand me downs of older generations, even if these are handed down with sincerest love and benevolence, is in fact a valuable one. Saying no is the first step towards integrity, the first step towards a greater wholeness.
Now on the other hand stopping at saying no, only getting to the point of pointing out other's hypocrisys, remaining in a position of ironic detachment indefinitely, is an immature position if that is as far as one gets. If we only learn to say no and poke holes in other's ideas without having the courage to develop our own, we won't have matured spiritually very much.
But as a starting point, as a fresh turn of the page towards new truths, the impulse and the need to say no is very much valuable, a necessary first step. We should not expect the next generation to swallow our lessons whole. In some sense the greatest truths must be learned first hand, and so we must accept the spiritual imperative to say no to pretty lessons we try to hand down in neat packages.
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