Loving the Stranger
Recently I came across someone, I think a politician, discussing that the moral imperative to love the stranger is common to all religions, and it got me thinking.
As a UU, I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person. This is not simply a political statement; it is also a religious statement of faith. Within every person is inherent value, which means, that every person brings some merit or value to this planet and the human community. Ideally as a person of faith I would be able to see that value in each person, to be able to find common ground and common humanity with any person, no matter how different from myself.
I find myself falling pretty short on this measuring stick. Recently I have had occasion to have several long term visitors to my home. I have found that, when placed in close proximity to a stranger, I tend to focus on what I object to in others, to think about how I would like them to be, to see them as a negative reflection of my own points of pride.
I suppose all of us would prefer to be around those like ourselves. And for those of us who have given considerable thought into the way we live, perhaps we have some ground for recommending certain aspects of the way we live to others. But nevertheless, there ought to be a way to accept differences, especially with regard to the trivia of everyday household life, and to find grounds for compassion and even connection. But I find this more difficult to do in reality than in theory.
If anyone has suggestions for sources of wisdom or practices to help with loving the stranger, please let me know.
It has also struck me that nearly every traditional culture placed great premium on hosting strangers, to the point of providing food and shelter and even entertainment. It seems these stories of hosting strangers are the source of many of the folk tales of many cultures. But this tradition of hospitality seems hopelessly lost and outdated in modern society. Is true hospitality still practiced? What are the living models out there to emulate?
As a UU, I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person. This is not simply a political statement; it is also a religious statement of faith. Within every person is inherent value, which means, that every person brings some merit or value to this planet and the human community. Ideally as a person of faith I would be able to see that value in each person, to be able to find common ground and common humanity with any person, no matter how different from myself.
I find myself falling pretty short on this measuring stick. Recently I have had occasion to have several long term visitors to my home. I have found that, when placed in close proximity to a stranger, I tend to focus on what I object to in others, to think about how I would like them to be, to see them as a negative reflection of my own points of pride.
I suppose all of us would prefer to be around those like ourselves. And for those of us who have given considerable thought into the way we live, perhaps we have some ground for recommending certain aspects of the way we live to others. But nevertheless, there ought to be a way to accept differences, especially with regard to the trivia of everyday household life, and to find grounds for compassion and even connection. But I find this more difficult to do in reality than in theory.
If anyone has suggestions for sources of wisdom or practices to help with loving the stranger, please let me know.
It has also struck me that nearly every traditional culture placed great premium on hosting strangers, to the point of providing food and shelter and even entertainment. It seems these stories of hosting strangers are the source of many of the folk tales of many cultures. But this tradition of hospitality seems hopelessly lost and outdated in modern society. Is true hospitality still practiced? What are the living models out there to emulate?
Comments
1) Assume good intentions. People do crazy-ass stuff, but if you assume they mean well, it almost always encourages them to reflect kindness back to you. Personally, it just makes me feel good to treat people who do mean things nicely, and it helps me to be able to let the mean thing go since it has an aura of niceness around it. Twists the knife just a little extra. ;)
2) In the case of people you love, consider those quirks endearing rather than shortcomings. "Oh, honey, it's so cute that you left all the cabinet doors open." In the case of the stranger, be empathetic. Ask yourself "Why might that person have cut me off in traffic?" Then you start to feel bad for the person because they are probably racing to the hospital to be with their mother or, even worse, that they haven't yet had the opportunity to figure out that there is no point in being in a hurry all the time. Sucks to be them. Besides, the weird thing is a small part of a person who probably has lots of fabulous qualities. Like the other-people oriented version of accepting and loving your own weaknesses.
3) Don't take it personally. It's not about you. Once it's not *your* offense, it's easier to release it. This one is really tough for me. I take things really personally. It's one thing that makes me good at what I do, but it also isn't productive when someone cuts in front of me in the check-out line. And I don't necessarily think the amount of stress I take upon myself that isn't really my stress is healthy. Working on it though.